Before and After

April 1, 2013. That’s the date that Bob was diagnosed with stage one multiple myeloma*, as yet an incurable but treatable form of blood cancer. I wish it had been a nasty April Fool’s Day joke being pulled by his hematologist, but I knew it wasn’t. With the doctor’s diagnostic sentence, our lives were forever changed. Before and after.

That phrase, “before and after,” has been part of our lexicon since seeing the 1996 movie of the same name starring Meryl Streep and Liam Nieson. This mother and dad have two children and seem to be living the perfect life. Then a teenage girl who has been dating their son is found dead in a field, and their son is a suspect. Roger Ebert and other film critics didn’t rate this movie very highly, and I can understand some of their issues with the plot, but the emotion it generated in me remains to this day. Why? Because before and after moments are part of the human condition, jarring steps along our life journeys. Happening unexpectedly, like in the film, they throw our lives off kilter, and the lives we lead afterwards are forever different from those before.

For us, it has been five months since that diagnosis, but our lives have already been considerably altered. For example, we’ve discovered that we’re lucky if we can make plans for a week that don’t have to be changed, that we have as many trips to St. Louis as we do to Holland, MI, and that Bob, who felt fine before his diagnosis, is now suffering the effects of his chemotherapy. We pray for a miracle, for strength, courage, and grace. 

I recently finished reading French film artist Marcel Pagnol‘s memoir, My Father’s Glory and My Mother’s Castle. Toward the end he wrote, “Such is the life of man. A few joys, quickly obliterated by unforgettable sorrows. There is no need to tell the children so.” I’m trying not to let this be my story. In truth there is much we humans have absolutely no control over. However, we can control our responses, and jarring steps, before and after moments, cannot only alter lives but can transform them. I’m hoping that this one will color me with more love and compassion.

*Multiple myeloma is a type of cancer that begins in the plasma cells. Normal plasma cells are found in the bone marrow and are an important part of the body’s immune system. When plasma cells grow out of control, they can form a tumor, usually in the bone marrow. This type of tumor is called a myeloma, and if there are many tumors the cancer is called multiple myeloma.